What kind of parent lies to turn their kids against the other parent?
Posted Feb 01, 2018
Source: (c) se_media
Recently, in my clinical practice, I've seen a huge uptick in cases of parental alienation. Instead of talking cooperatively in the manner I teach in my book The Power of Two, these spouses and ex-spouses are interacting as adversaries. Worse, they've developed an exaggeratedly negative view, more fiction than reality, of the other partner.
So what is parental alienation (sometimes referred to as parental alienation syndrome)? And who does it?
Parental Alienation Syndrome
Parental alienation syndrome, a term coined in the 1980s by child psychiatrist Dr. Richard A. Gardner, occurs when one parent attempts to turn the couple's children against the other parent. A parent who is angry at the spouse or ex-spouse accomplishes this estrangement by painting a negative picture of the other parent via deprecating comments, blame, and false accusations shared with the children. They may also "hoard" the kids, doing all they can to thwart the other parent from spending time with them.
In my clinical practice, the alienating parent has most often been a mother who is turning the children against their dad. At the same time, I have also had multiple families in which Dad is the alienating parent, turning the children against their mother. In general, the alienating parent is the least emotionally healthy of the two; they're often more wealthy, as well, and are better able to afford legal challenges.
The sad reality is that parents who damage their children's natural affection for the other parent are doing serious—and even abusive—damage. PT blogger Edward Kruk, Ph.D., also writes about parental alienation. In one of his posts, he shares this important piece of research:
A survey taken at the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts’ annual (2014) conference reported 98 percent agreement "in support of the basic tenet of parental alienation: children can be manipulated by one parent to reject the other parent who does not deserve to be rejected."For the child, the biopsychosocial-spiritual effects of parental alienation are devastating. For both the alienated parent and child, the removal and denial of contact in the absence of neglect or abuse constitute cruel and unusual treatment... As a form of child maltreatment, parental alienation is a serious child protection matter as it undermines a basic principle of social justice for children: the right to know and be cared for by both of one's parents.
An alienating parent may show narcissistic or borderline tendencies. Narcissistic individuals tend to be self-absorbed, and most centrally, they show deficits in ability to listen to others' differing perspectives. Instead, they hyper-focus on what they themselves want, think, feel, and believe—without taking others' desires and ideas into consideration.
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